so i have been thinking a lot lately. and when i say a lot i really mean a lot. like at least five hours a day only thinking about how miserable i am right now. i know this feeling by now. this year i had two or three similar incidents (which each lasted about a week or two and involved a lot of self pity and hatred) so now i am sick of those phases. i want to fight back this time. and i decided that the way to fight back looks like this:
1. Get rid of all the internet distraction that isn't even entertaining anymore ( not like actually get rid of it, just turn off your computer for a week or two)
2. get off my lazy ass and do something useful, like running or swimming or anything that helps me get back in shape (as if i had ever been in shape)
since point 1 involves me not using my computer at the house this will be my first and only entry for a long time. But then again i have computer class twice a week so i can update if i feel like it.
i don't know why i have the urge to write all this down. especially since i will make a vlog about it this very evening. whatever. i just had to do this.
i hope it will help.
right now i feel a bit like colin singleton (the guy from an Abundance of katherines) i want to matter, more than anything. but i have no way of mattering, since i am completely unimportant and talentless.
and this is not only the depressed me speaking.
so i will post this now. bye
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