I used to be able to write things, you know, fiction and such.
I always loved it. I used to grin to myself when the first exercise in a test was "summarise the text in your own words". Od! Yes. I could do that quite well. Always a sure way of getting some points just in case you could not remember the exact date of the ballroom-oath or it's meaning.
But something happened. I don't understand, to be honest I don't understand anything, but this particular change in behavioural pattern baffles me in a special kind of way.
I sit there and stare at the cute little sentence that used to make me so happy.
"Summarise the text in your own words" how do I do that? What do I write? What if it sucks? what if I use such high-brow words like "sucks" to illustrate my oh-so- vast intellect?
I can't start.
I haven't written anything in about half a year. And the only reason I wrote anything at all was because I would not have passed my Abitur otherwise.
I am a student. I'm supposed to do that kind of thing!
In the last weeks I have been reading some of my favourite authors and I was filled with an unfathomable need to express myself in written form.
I know this particular feeling. I get it every now and then when I look at my graphite pen and paper and I start drawing pictures that are not entirely unlike those of a five year old who drew his new puppy with a scarf over is tiny little innocent five year old eyes.
How come I am such a disappointment to myself? How come I drift off topic so fast while I am writing a blog entry about how I used to like summaries?
As I mentioned above, I know nearly nothing, but I know that i have to get myself together and figure out what I want to do, whether or not I should sit around contemplating my sadness all day or should I just start actually doing something, even though that will inevitably lead to disappointment?
I also feel like running, but I can run just as well as I can draw or stay on topic. Why do I have no apparent talent on which I can improve and make myself content in doing so?
Ah fuck it, i'm going out for a slow walk now.

because that's all I can do.

i wanted to take a picture of the package i'm sending home, before i leave the flat. but it's way to heavy to lift up to the camera...

allrighty

i don't know what i'm doing right now, i am supposed to go to the post office, but meh....
geez i need to go i need to go...
why am i so lazy? why why why??
okay.
i'll go now.
that's it,
bye!

Good news

It is tuesday now, exactly one week before i will take my plane back home.
and finally i got money. yesterday morning one of my best friends left the country. i went to taipei main to meet a mutual friend and then take the shuttelbus to the airport together. i was certain that by monday morning i would have money on my bank account. i was mistaken. luckily my friend was nice enough to lend me the 230 ntd to get to the airport.
when i got home o checked my online account and was confirmed that i had indeed no money. i was so depressed. i spend the rest of the day at my hostfamily's house in front of the computer.
at 10pm i checked my account again, AND I HAD 200 EUROS ON IT!!!
i was so happy. right after making that discovery my H-dad walked in and gave me my emergency fund. so now i have 9000 ntd (less then i paid, but whatever only like 600) and money on my account.
Slight problem, most people with whom i would spend the money, are gone...
what ever...
i woke up late today, went to eat something and then came to school to saygoodbye to my classmates. (to be frank, i don't give a shit, but my teachers made me come)
unfortunately i came right after the break so now i am sitting in my teachers office and am waiting for this period to be over.
that is going to take so loong : (

well, tonight i will have a rotary dinner and have to be home by 4pm. that means that i can't really go out with anybody...
my plan is that i will go to Daan and take someopictures, then go and get them developed and hopefully tomorrow i will manage to finish my little tour guide. Oh yeah you have no clue what i am talking baout.
I am making this little book with all my favourite places in taipei.

okay, i'll think of something to waste one hour now...
best wishes and dftba!
freya

ooookay secong blog in a day

well, still no real news on the money front.
though, my host dad cam home earlier and asked if I wanted the emergency fund in euros or new taiwan dollars (of course i want NTD) and then he talked to someone on the phone (i think it was the rotary people that told him that the emergency fund was supposed to be used for overweight) well then he asked me if i will have overweight (how the fuck am i supposed to know now!!??)
and i told him i wouldn't (which will hopefully be true if i get money and thus can send home a my 2 packages)
he did not give me the money or anything. BUT there will be a dinner on tuesday that i have to attend and maybe i'll get it then. I really hope he will give me the money earlier. I spend my entire day at the house today, because going out just isn't worth the energy your body uses, if all you can do is walk around aimlessly. holy fuck i need money!
i was so worried while I rode the metro these last days. I mean, I never pay, but now i was worried of getting caught and then having no way of buying the ticket. I'd really be screwd then.

My head hurts like shit. 9 straight hours of youtube are NOT good for me.

I truly feel like going home is the best thing there is for me to do. But i know if i were to leave now i'd not be happy because i still want to do some things in taipei.

I'll probably update soon. Not that anybody cares....

I only seem to be posting blogs when i feel like shit

I don'tknwo why, but whenever i truly feel depressed i get this urge to write dow why i feel so bad. and where could be a better place than online? For all the world to see. of course i would noy want my friends or family to read this. but if i never tell anybody about this blog, noone will ever read it! YAY!
But that is besides the point. the point is I AM BROKE! so so so broke. i have been broke since a week now an i was feeling to ashamed to tell my parents. i know stupid. so i figured a way out to get out of my crisis. at the beginning of my exchange year i had to give 300 Us dollars to rotary as an emergency fund. now i will leave in 2 weeks so i thought i might just ask them to give me that money.
everything seemed to be fine my hostdad said he'd give me the money. that was wednesday. i still have no single cent. i don't think i will get that money before the airport. THAT SUCKS.

so yesterday i finaly wrote my mum asking for money. she did not answer so i hope she got the mail. but even if she got it and transfered money it will take like 2 to 3 days to get to my account.
the only solution that i know is to not go out. only problem, one of my very good friends is leaving on monday. i need to spend time with her. it might be the last time i ever see her.
and going to the airport costs money too.

so basically i am fucked. i have no money i soon will have no friends left in this country and i have so much to do.
i still want to finish the little personal tour guide of taipei that i started, and i want to make a video for the starnger festival...
and and and

i just need money. i hope everything will turn out allright.
maybe i will start blogging even when i feel good once i am back in good old germany.
i most defenately will vlog more often then.
okay bye : (