i wanted to take a picture of the package i'm sending home, before i leave the flat. but it's way to heavy to lift up to the camera...

allrighty

i don't know what i'm doing right now, i am supposed to go to the post office, but meh....
geez i need to go i need to go...
why am i so lazy? why why why??
okay.
i'll go now.
that's it,
bye!

Good news

It is tuesday now, exactly one week before i will take my plane back home.
and finally i got money. yesterday morning one of my best friends left the country. i went to taipei main to meet a mutual friend and then take the shuttelbus to the airport together. i was certain that by monday morning i would have money on my bank account. i was mistaken. luckily my friend was nice enough to lend me the 230 ntd to get to the airport.
when i got home o checked my online account and was confirmed that i had indeed no money. i was so depressed. i spend the rest of the day at my hostfamily's house in front of the computer.
at 10pm i checked my account again, AND I HAD 200 EUROS ON IT!!!
i was so happy. right after making that discovery my H-dad walked in and gave me my emergency fund. so now i have 9000 ntd (less then i paid, but whatever only like 600) and money on my account.
Slight problem, most people with whom i would spend the money, are gone...
what ever...
i woke up late today, went to eat something and then came to school to saygoodbye to my classmates. (to be frank, i don't give a shit, but my teachers made me come)
unfortunately i came right after the break so now i am sitting in my teachers office and am waiting for this period to be over.
that is going to take so loong : (

well, tonight i will have a rotary dinner and have to be home by 4pm. that means that i can't really go out with anybody...
my plan is that i will go to Daan and take someopictures, then go and get them developed and hopefully tomorrow i will manage to finish my little tour guide. Oh yeah you have no clue what i am talking baout.
I am making this little book with all my favourite places in taipei.

okay, i'll think of something to waste one hour now...
best wishes and dftba!
freya

ooookay secong blog in a day

well, still no real news on the money front.
though, my host dad cam home earlier and asked if I wanted the emergency fund in euros or new taiwan dollars (of course i want NTD) and then he talked to someone on the phone (i think it was the rotary people that told him that the emergency fund was supposed to be used for overweight) well then he asked me if i will have overweight (how the fuck am i supposed to know now!!??)
and i told him i wouldn't (which will hopefully be true if i get money and thus can send home a my 2 packages)
he did not give me the money or anything. BUT there will be a dinner on tuesday that i have to attend and maybe i'll get it then. I really hope he will give me the money earlier. I spend my entire day at the house today, because going out just isn't worth the energy your body uses, if all you can do is walk around aimlessly. holy fuck i need money!
i was so worried while I rode the metro these last days. I mean, I never pay, but now i was worried of getting caught and then having no way of buying the ticket. I'd really be screwd then.

My head hurts like shit. 9 straight hours of youtube are NOT good for me.

I truly feel like going home is the best thing there is for me to do. But i know if i were to leave now i'd not be happy because i still want to do some things in taipei.

I'll probably update soon. Not that anybody cares....

I only seem to be posting blogs when i feel like shit

I don'tknwo why, but whenever i truly feel depressed i get this urge to write dow why i feel so bad. and where could be a better place than online? For all the world to see. of course i would noy want my friends or family to read this. but if i never tell anybody about this blog, noone will ever read it! YAY!
But that is besides the point. the point is I AM BROKE! so so so broke. i have been broke since a week now an i was feeling to ashamed to tell my parents. i know stupid. so i figured a way out to get out of my crisis. at the beginning of my exchange year i had to give 300 Us dollars to rotary as an emergency fund. now i will leave in 2 weeks so i thought i might just ask them to give me that money.
everything seemed to be fine my hostdad said he'd give me the money. that was wednesday. i still have no single cent. i don't think i will get that money before the airport. THAT SUCKS.

so yesterday i finaly wrote my mum asking for money. she did not answer so i hope she got the mail. but even if she got it and transfered money it will take like 2 to 3 days to get to my account.
the only solution that i know is to not go out. only problem, one of my very good friends is leaving on monday. i need to spend time with her. it might be the last time i ever see her.
and going to the airport costs money too.

so basically i am fucked. i have no money i soon will have no friends left in this country and i have so much to do.
i still want to finish the little personal tour guide of taipei that i started, and i want to make a video for the starnger festival...
and and and

i just need money. i hope everything will turn out allright.
maybe i will start blogging even when i feel good once i am back in good old germany.
i most defenately will vlog more often then.
okay bye : (

I AM NOT HAPPY!!

i feel like shit.
this weekend just fucked me up. on friday everything was great, awesome if i might say so. we went to the beach. i was alittle tipsy after three shots of vodca (my belgium friend poured them so it was A LOT). i told all my friends that i thought they were super cool, and i insulted people that i like a little less.
but that was allright, i had fun. satureday we went to the mountains ling jiou san tempel. i had fun, until like often with these rotary events, i felt lost. as if i were the only one without a friend. alone and unatractive. then we got a paper that we had to sign, with rules for our trip, in one weeks time. it pissed me off. i don't really know what exactly was the most annoying part. but i felkt like punching someone in the gut. and today wasn't better. i felt like shit. i still feel like shit. i went gaming with a bunch of friends so i felt okay for a short amount of time. but still i feel like i'd rather not be feeling anything at all. i was fighting tears a bunch of times earlier today. i don't know what it is with me, but these rotary events always fuck me up. i think this is why i am scared of the trip. because i will be with everybody for ten fucking days.

FUCK FUCK FUCK
that is all i can say....
and now you will excuse me i have to feel a little more misserable...

Failure or succes???

I am in school, in the library-to be precise, even though there is no actual reason to be precise.
I have just checked my facebook. does that make me a total failure??
my weekend was good, i only turned on my computer very very shortly on sunday to ckeck my mail. it was unnecessary but i did feel okay, because i never said i would not check my e-mails.
And then today, we went to the library. all you do in the library is sit in front of a computer. first i thought i would only check my mail and then leave it. but the temptation was to strong.
my head hurts out of guilt.
I shouldn't have done it. Geez...
and also i have NOT been to the pool today, so i feel fat.

mhmh : /
not good, i have to start doing stuff so i can loose these extra kilos that i got here in taiwan.

i am sad now, i should not have written this. it dpressese me : (
bye!!!!!!!!!1!

IT IS DONE

i inforemd all my youtube suscribers and all my friends on facebook, twitter and dailybooth anout my hiatus. i don't even know why i did that. now it is time to get serious. i think the main reason for me telling everyone about it is so that i really do it and have a reason not to go back before one week is over. i am feeling a little panicy right now.
OH GET OVER IT screams my inner vioce...
so this is it now.
i will turn of my computer (geez am i not pathetic, i get all upset about not using my computer for one week, how weak is that)

GO ME!!!

bored....

here i am again. i know i said i would not update for a while. i lied (or as a matter of fact i "unpurposfuly told the not-truth") because at the moment i told the not-truth i was not aware of the fact that i was indeed not true. i am bored and i am still in class i want to do something, so here i am again. i just took a look at the watch and discovered that the bell will ring in about four minutes. so i will stop now, but i will leave you with a picture i just took. here you go! enjoy

Dramatic changes!

so i have been thinking a lot lately. and when i say a lot i really mean a lot. like at least five hours a day only thinking about how miserable i am right now. i know this feeling by now. this year i had two or three similar incidents (which each lasted about a week or two and involved a lot of self pity and hatred) so now i am sick of those phases. i want to fight back this time. and i decided that the way to fight back looks like this:
1. Get rid of all the internet distraction that isn't even entertaining anymore ( not like actually get rid of it, just turn off your computer for a week or two)
2. get off my lazy ass and do something useful, like running or swimming or anything that helps me get back in shape (as if i had ever been in shape)

since point 1 involves me not using my computer at the house this will be my first and only entry for a long time. But then again i have computer class twice a week so i can update if i feel like it.

i don't know why i have the urge to write all this down. especially since i will make a vlog about it this very evening. whatever. i just had to do this.
i hope it will help.

right now i feel a bit like colin singleton (the guy from an Abundance of katherines) i want to matter, more than anything. but i have no way of mattering, since i am completely unimportant and talentless.
and this is not only the depressed me speaking.

so i will post this now. bye